Reclaiming Your Masculine Energy

Most people think masculine and feminine energy is gender-oriented (such as a man being masculine and a woman being feminine). Our gender may gear us to have one form more dominant over another. However, at the end of the day, all of us have both.

The point of this post is to open the perception of your abilities as a person – regardless of gender. This post may emphasize women tapping into masculine power. Yet, the goal IS NOT to tell a woman to “be a man in a man’s world” nor vise versa. It is just not sustainable.

Instead, monitor yourself. Not in a judgy way but to observe which is your strength. Each energy should be thought of as a resource in a toolbox. Depending on the scenario needing fixing, you would reach for the energy that appropriately applies. Therefore, below are three tips on tapping into your masculine energy.

What’s the Difference?

Let’s understand the difference between masculine and feminine energy. Each chart below lists the characteristics of each:

Breaking Gender Roles

To reclaim masculine energy, open your mind. Social media is a medium to celebrate and support men wanting to paint their nails as well as women wanting to wear boxy suits. Gender fluidity and neutrality are more open and present than ever.

So when it comes to breaking the gender norms, do something that you have always deemed exclusive to the opposite sex. Cigar smoking, for example, is my favorite engagement. With a cigar in my hand, I feel emboldened, empowered, and powerful. I’m tapping into a pleasure that women tend to miss because societal norms have deemed it as solely a male activity. But it’s for everyone!

Another empowering activity is getting familiar with power tools. When I renovated two properties, I was neither the assistant nor a decorator. I relied on Youtube to learn new skills or problem-solve. By doing so, I didn’t rely on a counterpart to do ALL the physical labor.

Knowing how to hang a picture frame and install new molding is empowering for women and will change your perception of what you are capable of. The same applies to men. Understanding when to problem-solve versus listen, to empathize versus lead, and to connect versus move is vital to success in relationships and in life.

Channeling Both Energies

As briefly mentioned earlier. I like to think of energies (fem and mas) as superpowers that can be tapped into when needed. When I worked in an office, I learned how to use both entities to my advantage.

For example, moving with intention activated my masculine energy which inherently garnered more respect from my peers and confidence from my superiors.

My masculine energy allowed me to claim my space. On the flip side, I leveraged my feminine energy to build relationships or channel creativity. Both energies are needed to be successful in every aspect of our lives – inside and outside of work.

Be Present

One of my favorite lines from a movie is from the Bridge of Spies. Because feminine energy is reflective and vulnerable, it can cause us to worry a lot. In this scene, I love the conversation between two main characters who are about to embark on a dangerous exchange across a bridge:

James Donovan: Aren’t you worried?

Rudolf Abel: Would it help?

These two lines have been stuck in the back of my mind ever since. Whenever I feel angst arise or take over, I think of this and it helps me to stop and tap into rational reality by asking:

  • What can I do about this situation?
  • What else could this mean?
  • Are there other outside influences making me think/feel a certain way?

I hope this post helps you question if you are using all your power! If you are curious to know you dominent energy, take the energy test!

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Prevent Ego From Stunting Personal Growth

People tend to use pride and ego interchangeably to describe a person raging with arrogance, selfishness, and stubbornness. In reality, these two terms are much different from one another even though they are not exclusive. We all carry pride and ego but where people differ is in how we deal with it.

I noticed this to be a common struggle amongst everyone I’ve met in a new city. If you are serious about self-healing and breaking negative patterns in your life, the first step in doing so is in gaining self-awareness. Sounds easy but it is actually a difficult skill that most people lack.

Ego versus Pride

According to Psychology Today, ego is the Latin word for “I.” Therefore, if you were to write I love you in Latin, you’d write ego amo te.

The ego is an internal force that allows you to experience and perceive an event in a unique and separate manner from others – helping you to establish identity.

We need our ego to protect us from dangerous conformity; therefore, do not confuse this post as some ode to completely dismantle ego as a whole. However, an ego left unchecked can also isolate you from creating meaningful relationships and connections.

Pride is a feeling of satisfaction from accomplishments and motivates you to strive to be your best self as well as drive inspiration. It establishes quality, engrains motivation, and fuels self-worth.

Alternatively, ego constantly pushes you to prove superiority over others to establish worth (e.g., much like machismo culture over women). Therefore, what you want to do is to check in to see if your decision, emotions, and actions are based on genuine pride and respect or straight-up ego.

Taming the Monster

I am no psychologist, but perhaps an inflated ego appeases our inner, wounded child or gives us a high from thinking our shit doesn’t stink. Either way, having an ego run amuck can prevent us from finding common ground and empathy with others. In addition, it makes us forget the importance of love and unity by constantly inflating ourselves as a protection mechanism (e.g., Fear is the heart of machismo culture and ego is the lungs).

Though pride is meant to be positive by definition, when you couple it with ego, you create a monster! This heavy spirit wants to win in all games that do not even exist. Though I admire those that go against the grain, sometimes not paying attention to the ego mess left behind can leave you alone and resentful. As for everything in life, balance is key!

To check your ego demon, the following tactics can help:

  1. Therapy – To understand how to leash up those pesky ego demons, you must first learn what brought them to existence. The more you know about yourself, the more power you have over it. Using a professional to guide you through this process – no matter how painful – will be an essential resource in overcoming and preventing ego possession. Therapy is a helpful and pivotal tool in discovering the why behind your ego and healthy ways to heal from it.
  2. ReframingMel Robbins taught me to note my physical reactions and their correlation to my emotional/mental states. By doing so, I eventually learned (through practice) how to stop myself before the spiral of emotional thoughts – garnered by depression/anxiety – took over. Giving in to the whispers of the ego – even though they are conclusions based on one sole reality – will trigger you to protect that inner child. Even if you do have an episode of wild emotions, her techniques to gain control are just as useful.
  3. EducationConstantly educating yourself to elevate your emotional intelligence will help you gain control over your life. So much so that when others trespass a boundary despite whatever hot emotion you feel, you can calmly and appropriately react accordingly. Ego would have you flip on someone instantly just to gain the satisfaction of safety. However, it is really you allowing the outside world to control you.

All three tools have made me the woman I am today. Of course, the negative and self-destructive learned behaviors may come out of the woodwork every so often. But for the most part, I finally have power over the majority of my lowest bouts of depression/anxiety.

Emotional Intelligence

Gaining control is a superpower that did not come to me through lightning. I had to practice until my emotional breakdowns were far from in-between. 

Even around those that do not suffer from anxiety or depression, I can quickly identify who is mature in their emotional health versus those who let their demons run rampant. 

These people rummage through life unaware of the monster on their back. They live in a constant state of frustration, negativity, and fear. Instead of taking responsibility, they blame and burden the outside world with their baggage.

As baffling as it may be, each person is on their own mental health/spiritual journey so it is not for me to judge. All I can do is be a resource or determine if backing away will protect my wellbeing.

If you are struggling with ego demons now, I hope this blog post helps you. It’s uncomfortable to confront the ugly parts of ourselves and will be a daily struggle but self-awareness is a skill that gets easier the more you practice.